3 Ways Wealth Can Bite Back (And How to Protect Yourself and Your Family)
So you have more than enough. “Good for you.” “What is it like?” Or my favorite condescending remark typically dripping with some venom, “It must be nice.” Having more than enough money has perks. But man! The relational aspects can bite back in weird ways. Having more than enough money changes our heart, relationships and kids is profound ways.
When you reach a certain point of money people will find out and all will want a piece of the action. Even the charities will want you connected with them, your name on the board, a flyer, or simply to attend their events. This level of influence and struggle is not just for the name brand American wealthy families.
Having affluence or more than enough can solve many problems. It truly is nice to not have to wonder how you pay for home repair builds. There are many things about wealth that live up to the press. But there are quite a few that don’t make the press. The top from my experience and research are: entitlement, anxiety and the big daddy—loneliness.
Before you jump to “them” I want to talk to you. We are the wealthiest culture in the history of the world. In the book Origins of Wealth, Eric Beinhocker argues that “over 97 percent of humanity wealth was created in the last 0.01 percent of our history [in other words the last 250 years].” Yet you are not jumping up and down. Why? We know people with more. But chances are you and I have more than enough. We are to a certain extent rich.
Anxiety.
Wealth can solve problems, but it creates new one and less understood problems. Søren Kierkegaard said, “Riches and abundance come hypocritically clad in sheep's clothing, pretending to be security against anxieties, and they become then the object of anxiety. They secure a man against anxieties just about as well as the wolf that is put to tending the sheep.”
Protecting your assets, allowing the correct access persons, setting up who gets control and satisfactory deposition of money is harder than earning and making it. Deposing money wisely leads to anxiety. There can be very large concerns about how to de-accumulate your wealth in a way that is right and just.
Entitlement.
Our kids struggle with entitlement more than their non-affluent peers. Why? Because learning and hearing “no” was required less of them. In making up for our time away building our empire, we give them so much, often too much. After a while they feel as though they deserved the special treatment. They have moved through the “Appreciate, Expect, Demand Curve.”
This curve shows entitlement’s path well. There is a new highway exit by my house. I remember driving it the first time it opened after construction, I was almost giddy with excited when it was done. Quickly I began to expect it to work as I planned my drives to use this exit. One day a week in, it was blocked to fix the lines. One week! I was frustrated to the point of shaking my fist as I drove past it demanding my exit be open.
Our kids experience this more acutely. Entitled kids rarely produce significant contributions to the world around them. They expect and demand to be served. It’s quite ugly at the heart level--in us as it is in them.
Loneliness.
There is a researched connection with increased wealth and lack of connection in deep relationship. We live it the most isolated society on earth. We are and can be completely independent. Our assets can be numbers on a screen and not store houses. Wealthy people can be lonely. We can drive into our garages and ignore people like never before. There are by logic fewer people at the top.
Common to the wealth experience is judgement and envy. This is true of non-wealthy folks to the wealthy. But judgement among wealthy peers is also quite common. Judgement and envy create barriers to deep soul level relationships.
Conclusion.
But these three don’t need to define us. Our wealth can be used to leverage and foster new relationships. We can be free from the anxieties common to the rich. Our kids don’t need to be marked by the entitled, silver spoon rich kid problems. Being aware is the first step in healing. You lean into the discomfort. Be significant in spite of the wealth. Stay true to what matters most.